Turning My Heart Towards Home

By the end of this week, I will officially be a stay-at-home-mom, and a homeschooling one at that. The story of how this came to be is a “blog-worthy” tale. It is one that must be told, to the glory of His name. The Lord has been preparing my heart for this for quite some time. My story goes something like this. I went from “rebellious teen living in flagrant sin” to “liberal feminist college student” to “young married self-righteous, religious, hypocrite.” After that - somewhere in my early thirties, God saved me by the washing of regeneration and the renewal of the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:5). What grace the Father bestowed on me for no other reason than His own glory; I certainly didn’t deserve such a gift. Since then, my life has been a gloriously painful process of sanctification. One by one, the Lord has faithfully plucked the idols from my life. Whether it was a through a struggling marriage or a very sick child, He has shown me over and over again that power and steadfast love belong to Him (Psalm 62:12). Bringing me home from the workplace has been one of the most treasured ways I have seen Him at work in my life.

When I was a new Christian, I fully embraced and supported the traditional roles of husband and wife set forth in the Bible. However, it wasn’t until last summer that God showed me the cavernous shortcomings I had in the area of being a wife and mom. I was so over-involved in ministry with public speaking, evangelism, and Bible studies that I had neglected to give the time or energy to the role God speaks of the most for women. It is precious in His sight. Though I love my family and would call them precious, the way I was spending my time did not reflect that. Instead of focusing on my ministry at home – my husband and kids, I was cutting corners so that I could go out and do what I thought was “God’s work.” Somehow, I thought since these were “spiritual” things, I was doing God’s work and it was more important. How thankful I am for the change in perspective that I have had since then.

“What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow.”~Martin Luther

It was just over a year ago when I listened to the “Fulfilled Family” series by Pastor John MacArthur and found myself on my face (see my first blog –9/26/08). Praise be to God, who has continued to counsel and instruct me in His word and show me the path of life.

I will bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:7-11

Last fall, we started to consider the possibility of me staying home with the kids. At that point, homeschooling was not even a glimmer in our eye. We were just hoping to honor and obey God by having me devote more time and energy to the home and kids. But, no matter how many times Dave calculated our budget, we just couldn’t make the numbers work without my salary. So, we continued to pray and wait upon the Lord.



While waiting upon the Lord’s direction, we began focusing on family discipleship within our own home. Dave began to lead us in family worship through Bible reading, devotions, prayer and singing together. As we opened up the word with our kids, our home began to transform. We began to memorize scriptures together in attempts to frame a Biblical worldview. Over time, we began to see discipleship differently. Previously, we had viewed education and discipleship separately. By searching the scriptures and seeking godly counsel from books grounded in solid biblical doctrine, we began to see that education and discipleship are inseparable in scripture.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

It was about this time that we began to gain a deeper understanding of what homeschooling was all about. It wasn’t just doing school at home as we had previously thought. It was about home discipleship. We only had two problems now. First, I didn’t really have the desire to homeschool. Though Dave was fully on board for me to homeschool our kids, he knew it would take a work of God to get me there. The second problem was we couldn’t afford for me to quit my job and give up 40% of our income. The first problem obviously took precedence. There was no use praying about the money and the job if it wasn’t something I had a passion for. I don’t know which is more miraculous – the fact that He changed my heart or the fact that He made it possible for me to stay home.

You see, I thought homeschooling was a fine idea for some people, I just didn’t think it was for me. I desperately hoped it wasn’t something God was calling me to. There were several reasons I could come up with, but the biggest reason was that would mean my kids were home all day, every day. You see, I’m not one of those mothers who just naturally thrives on spending time with her children. I do love the little darlings, but I also love a day off when I can drop them at school and head to Starbucks for a mocha with the girls. I’m not one of the moms who dreads for the summer to end and the first day of school to come. I’m usually the one counting down the days to some “me time.” Yes, God had His work cut out for Him. This was not something I was going to come by naturally.

That’s one of the most amazing things about God – the power of His Spirit in the heart of man. I’m not sure exactly when or how it happened, but I began to have a deeper desire to just be with my children. The time I spent with them was somehow more precious and treasured. I found myself playing with them more and being enamored with them. I found myself amazed at how their little brains worked – my eyes were even tearing up over watching their little mouths move as they read new library books. I wasn’t sure what was happening at that point, but I was thankful for this new perspective of these precious little people in my life. At the same time, we were reading more and more about the importance of home discipleship. It wasn’t long and I was sold, “lock, stock, and barrel.” I wanted to homeschool. I had a new heart-felt desire that was not of myself – a desire to bring my kids home and teach them everything from a Biblical perspective.


What happened next was the final providential “deal-breaker”, or rather “deal-maker.” As Dave and I prayed about what to do, we both sensed God might be calling me to walk away from my job and trust Him to provide. We began to pray that if this were truly His will, that He would make it clear to us. In my own prayers, I told God that if He really wanted me to do this, He was going to have to do it for me. I didn’t have enough faith to walk away from this perfect job that I love. What if I was wrong? What if it didn’t work out? How would we make ends meet? As these doubts and questions swirled in my mind, I told God that if He really wanted me to walk away from this job, I wished He would just take it away from me. It was only a couple weeks before I received that call. My boss called me to tell me she was retiring early and closing the clinic. I was out of a job. As I sat there grinning on the other end of the line, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt what we were being called to do. I could almost hear Him say,
"This is the way, walk in it."

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21