Sunday, August 2, 2009

Turning My Heart Towards Home



By the end of this week, I will officially be a stay-at-home-mom, and a homeschooling one at that. The story of how this came to be is a “blog-worthy” tale. It is one that must be told, to the glory of His name. The Lord has been preparing my heart for this for quite some time. My story goes something like this. I went from “rebellious teen living in flagrant sin” to “liberal feminist college student” to “young married self-righteous, religious, hypocrite.” After that - somewhere in my early thirties, God saved me by the washing of regeneration and the renewal of the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:5). What grace the Father bestowed on me for no other reason than His own glory; I certainly didn’t deserve such a gift. Since then, my life has been a gloriously painful process of sanctification. One by one, the Lord has faithfully plucked the idols from my life. Whether it was a through a struggling marriage or a very sick child, He has shown me over and over again that power and steadfast love belong to Him (Psalm 62:12). Bringing me home from the workplace has been one of the most treasured ways I have seen Him at work in my life.

When I was a new Christian, I fully embraced and supported the traditional roles of husband and wife set forth in the Bible. However, it wasn’t until last summer that God showed me the cavernous shortcomings I had in the area of being a wife and mom. I was so over-involved in ministry with public speaking, evangelism, and Bible studies that I had neglected to give the time or energy to the role God speaks of the most for women. It is precious in His sight. Though I love my family and would call them precious, the way I was spending my time did not reflect that. Instead of focusing on my ministry at home – my husband and kids, I was cutting corners so that I could go out and do what I thought was “God’s work.” Somehow, I thought since these were “spiritual” things, I was doing God’s work and it was more important. How thankful I am for the change in perspective that I have had since then.

“What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow.”~Martin Luther

It was just over a year ago when I listened to the “Fulfilled Family” series by Pastor John MacArthur and found myself on my face (see my first blog –9/26/08). Praise be to God, who has continued to counsel and instruct me in His word and show me the path of life.




I will bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:7-11



Last fall, we started to consider the possibility of me staying home with the kids. At that point, homeschooling was not even a glimmer in our eye. We were just hoping to honor and obey God by having me devote more time and energy to the home and kids. But, no matter how many times Dave calculated our budget, we just couldn’t make the numbers work without my salary. So, we continued to pray and wait upon the Lord.



While waiting upon the Lord’s direction, we began focusing on family discipleship within our own home. Dave began to lead us in family worship through Bible reading, devotions, prayer and singing together. As we opened up the word with our kids, our home began to transform. We began to memorize scriptures together in attempts to frame a Biblical worldview. Over time, we began to see discipleship differently. Previously, we had viewed education and discipleship separately. By searching the scriptures and seeking godly counsel from books grounded in solid biblical doctrine, we began to see that education and discipleship are inseparable in scripture.




And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:6-7



It was about this time that we began to gain a deeper understanding of what homeschooling was all about. It wasn’t just doing school at home as we had previously thought. It was about home discipleship. We only had two problems now. First, I didn’t really have the desire to homeschool. Though Dave was fully on board for me to homeschool our kids, he knew it would take a work of God to get me there. The second problem was we couldn’t afford for me to quit my job and give up 40% of our income. The first problem obviously took precedence. There was no use praying about the money and the job if it wasn’t something I had a passion for. I don’t know which is more miraculous – the fact that He changed my heart or the fact that He made it possible for me to stay home.

You see, I thought homeschooling was a fine idea for some people, I just didn’t think it was for me. I desperately hoped it wasn’t something God was calling me to. There were several reasons I could come up with, but the biggest reason was that would mean my kids were home all day, every day. You see, I’m not one of those mothers who just naturally thrives on spending time with her children. I do love the little darlings, but I also love a day off when I can drop them at school and head to Starbucks for a mocha with the girls. I’m not one of the moms who dreads for the summer to end and the first day of school to come. I’m usually the one counting down the days to some “me time.” Yes, God had His work cut out for Him. This was not something I was going to come by naturally.

That’s one of the most amazing things about God – the power of His Spirit in the heart of man. I’m not sure exactly when or how it happened, but I began to have a deeper desire to just be with my children. The time I spent with them was somehow more precious and treasured. I found myself playing with them more and being enamored with them. I found myself amazed at how their little brains worked – my eyes were even tearing up over watching their little mouths move as they read new library books. I wasn’t sure what was happening at that point, but I was thankful for this new perspective of these precious little people in my life. At the same time, we were reading more and more about the importance of home discipleship. It wasn’t long and I was sold, “lock, stock, and barrel.” I wanted to homeschool. I had a new heart-felt desire that was not of myself – a desire to bring my kids home and teach them everything from a Biblical perspective.


What happened next was the final providential “deal-breaker”, or rather “deal-maker.” As Dave and I prayed about what to do, we both sensed God might be calling me to walk away from my job and trust Him to provide. We began to pray that if this were truly His will, that He would make it clear to us. In my own prayers, I told God that if He really wanted me to do this, He was going to have to do it for me. I didn’t have enough faith to walk away from this perfect job that I love. What if I was wrong? What if it didn’t work out? How would we make ends meet? As these doubts and questions swirled in my mind, I told God that if He really wanted me to walk away from this job, I wished He would just take it away from me. It was only a couple weeks before I received that call. My boss called me to tell me she was retiring early and closing the clinic. I was out of a job. As I sat there grinning on the other end of the line, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt what we were being called to do. I could almost hear Him say,
"This is the way, walk in it."

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21

22 comments:

Veronica @ A Quiet Heart said...

So exciting!! :) Praising the Lord with you!

Anonymous said...

Absolutely moved to tears, rejoicing with you in God's sovereignty and love. What an awesome God we serve. Warm hugs!

Lisa Hellier said...

Everyday Mommy sent me over here. The trip was well worth it. I praise Him alongside of you, sister in Christ.

Mrs. Pear said...

Everyday Mommy pointed me this way.

Thank you for sharing this post. You were such an encouragement to me when I really needed it.

Blessings to you as you walk in His ways.

Laura said...

Everyday Mommy sent me here too. Just have to say that God has done a similar work in me. I love having my kids home, and am one of those that dreaded the first day of school, but had always sworn that I would NEVER homeschool. So many of the kids seemed so wierd. But God graciously brought many very "normal," fun, godly, well-educated people into my life that had been schooled at home. I saw in them much of what I wanted for my own family. Then God changed my husband's work schedule so that the only way he could see the kids during the week is if we homeschooled. So here I am, just a week away from starting the adventure I was sure I would never call my own. Now I can't wait!

Christy said...

Thank you all for your encouraging words. I have been so blessed by them as we step into this next chapter of our lives. We do indeed serve an awesome and sovereign God! To Him be all glory, honor and praise!

The Hibbard Family said...

I came here from Everyday Mommy's blog as well, and I am just awash in excitement! It's hard to put into words - it's strange to be saying this about someone I don't even know. But, I absolutely, totally, and completely love to see how God takes others through these journeys. Thank you so very much for sharing. And, as a mom starting her fourth year of watching these precious young-uns learn, I can tell you that you are in for a treat. Seeing their life, education, and spiritual growth all meld into one beautiful path of growth is a treasure that words cannot describe. And it is a blessing.

Queen Diva said...

Ann (above) sent me over here. Thank you so much for sharing! I could have been reading my own diary. I, too, was pretty sure that I was not the kind of mom that could (or should) homeschool. I'm so glad I followed my husband's urging. Last year was our first year, and I was very pleasantly surprised at how much we ALL loved it! Please feel free to contact me if you ever need anything! God is so good, isn't He?

Groovy Mom said...

Thank you so much for sharing that story. What a blessing to read.

Grace said...

I am going to bookmark this post; it's that important! I want it handy to refer to others. My children are grown and I do not regret one moment of the time I spent home schooling.

Annemarie said...

I cannot tell you how much this post moved me...to tears. I understand everything you wrote. In my heart of hearts, in my soul. He is truly amazing.

~Annemarie

SimplyAmusingDesigns.com said...

Here via Everyday Mommy...rejoicing with you as you trust God's leading in your life - what a wonderful God we serve, huh? :) His ability to work all things together for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose never ceases to amaze me.

Melissa Angert {All Things Chic} said...

ohmyword.
praise the lord for answering your prayer... by laying you off ;-)
what an amazing post. i too constantly struggle with balancing home and family and ministry and 1,000 other little things. your post was such an encouragement.
i pray that he will bless your decision and that you will see great fruit as you make this tremendous investment in your children!

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

I came over from Sallie's blog, A Quiet Simple Life.

I wanted to encourage you as I'm living the good results of making that same decision long ago.

I left a corporate career in the 1980s when I felt God was calling me to be a stay at home mom. My daughter is such a wonderful, Godly woman who is happily married with four children now (and homeschooling).

We were blessed with a surprise mid-life baby who is now nineteen and a college student. We started homeschooling him in second grade.

Nothing I ever gave up was worth the results of seeds planted all those years ago. :)

Owlhaven said...

Wonderful story! And now you get to watch God provide!

Mary, mom to many

Anonymous said...

I came here via Sallie at A Quiet Simple Life (she linked to your post and mine as inspiring homeschool stories). Thank you for sharing--I could relate to a lot of it. God's sovereignty never ceases to amaze me.

Anonymous said...

As a sister in Christ-I fully know the peace of what you know is God's will-as I would not be sitting here typing this because I would have never left everything I knew & comfort in COLO if I did not. When I came here, left my friends, family, church that I was saved in-God told me I was to give up my desires and follow His as well as what He had in store for my Matt here in Iowa. As you know, shortly after moved here, Matt was diagnosed w/ kidney cancer - I was like "what? THIS is what I was supposed to be following?" LOL Needless to say God stripped both Matt & I, down only to rebuild us in a way that only He knew would work for both of us. 16 yrs of marriage later I still stay at home enjoying His blessings w/only 1 income that we gave up 40% of our at the time I felt I was to stay at home w/Mallory-that was also a leap of faith, but again and as always God provides, and not only provides but continues to bless. I am sure that your days ahead will be character building yet a wonderful blessing at the same time and I will call you for coffee! :o) Now you WILL have time for small pleasures of your own heart God will make sure of it! In love, Nikki :o)

Herding Grasshoppers said...

Read your post, read your husband's... WOW.

We pulled our kids out of public school as they were entering 5th, 3rd and Kinder. I just couldn't bear it that the school was getting the best of their day. No more!

How could I/we possibly truly disciple them between school, soccer, and other activities? I don't want them pulled in so many different directions.

We're entering our third year (still beginners) and the longer we homeschool the more reasons I find to continue. Yes, it's hard work, but it's worth it :0)

God be with you,

Julie

One More Equals Four said...

Just stumbled upon here today and wanted to leave you with a word of encouragement. We have been homeschooling for seven years. Like you, I don't believe it is for everyone, but for us it is the only choice. God has blessed our home and blessed me with time with my children that can never be replaced! Homeschooling can be tough and draining, but the blessings are worth it! Good luck!

ParkerMama said...

Beautiful. Simply beautiful

Tammy and Parker
http://www.prayingforparker.com
@ParkerMama on Twitter

Lorie said...

Good luck with your new adventure!! And thanks for the post! Very uplifting.

Alison said...

Wow! What an awesome testimony!

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances. Ezekiel 36: 26-27